DOUCHE OF THE DAY-Methed Out Man Finds New Use For Scrunchie

Kids, this is your life on drugs. A California man was arrested Friday night wearing nothing but an Oakland Raiders jacket, a g-string…and a hair scrunchie around his genitals. Cops found Shawn Batie standing in the dirt next to a cemetery, yelling things in the dark. When asked why he wasn’t wearing pants, Batie insisted that “they must have been taken.” And replaced with a scrunchie? How puzzling. Police took him in and he was found to be high on meth. No surprise there. He was also discovered to be a parolee at-large. On the plus side, he may have found a new use for scrunchies.