Hot Mess

Occupation: Full-time hair model, part-time dishrag. Skills: Clogging shower drains, meeting new friends. 3 Things She Can’t Live Without: The "Whip My Hair Back And Forth" remix (only MP3 on her 1st generation iPod), Horse-grade hair conditioner, and a back brace...

Name: Not-so-little Boy Blue Location: The Tidy Bowl toilet cleaner factory

Name: Allie the Asphyxiator (pictured right) Location: The 'special accommodations needed' aisle on the airplane. Occupation: Paperweight.

Name: Tommy Two-Tone Location: Newark, NJ Occupation: Professional leather sofa-impersonator, cab driver. Hobbies: Getting spray-tans with a bag over his head, olympic weight lifting, smirking triumphantly. 5 Things He Can’t Live Without: Self-tanner for touch-ups, his Criterion Collection copy of 'The Incredibles' on DVD, The Paleo Diet Cookbook, a sharp razor, and a good strong watch-tan line...

Name: Hurricane Sandy Location: Atlantic City, NJ (UPDATED: Floating on a large piece of boardwalk, just off-shore)

Name: Prodigy Pat Location: Hartford, CT Occupation: By day: Janitor at Hartford High School. By night: “Google Gatekeeper” at the Internet Nucleus Worldwide HQ, A.K.A. the Hartford HS computer lab, where he also lives, “for right now.” Hobbies: Incre ...

Usually, our Hot Mess of the Day is a funny fake profile, but there’s nothing fake about Kay, who was featured on TLC’s ‘Extreme Cheapskate.’ Check out Kay’s weird-as-all-hell strategy for saving $250k by year’s end.

Name: Terry The Teet Location: Newcastle, England Occupation: Canine wet nurse. Hobbies: Sudoku, erotic lactation. 5 Things She Can’t Live Without: Prenatal vitamins, trips to the pound, a portable pump, lollipops, and religion. Skills: “Fastest breast in the West!” (We ...

Name: Darryl Droppings, “The Pied Piper of Flying Rats” Location: Washington Square Park, Manhattan Occupation: Professional spectacle. Hobbies: Making new friends and “sending messages to them.” (Unfortunately, these birds are not trained to deliver messages, so all correspondence has gone unanswered thus far.) 5 Things He Can’t L... Read More ...

Names: The BakeN’Bra Brothers Location: Traveling show. Occupations: Performance artists/artisan bakers/babysitters-for-hire. Hobbies: Playing human double dutch, eatin’ their veggies and being supportive. 5 Things They Can’t Live Without: Art, carbohydrates, balance, good breast support, and each other. Skills: D ...

Name: Tabitha Tubesock Location: Palm Springs, Florida Occupation: Collections agent for Columbia House, on the overnight shift. Hobbies:Dumpster divin', extreme coupon-in' and stayin' up all night. 6 Things I Can’t Live Without: Truck stop diners, podcasts, eyeliner, Wild Cherry Pepsi, industrial work gloves, and Virginia Slims...

Names: Vulture and Pancake Marianelliolo-Manicotti-Stugots Location: Deer Park, Long Island Occupations: Tag-team duo of the Strong Island Gladiators, a local copycat league of the early 1990′s TV show ‘American Gladiators.’ Matches are held every Friday at 8pm in the West Gymnasium of St. Giovanni the Div ...