Poop Transplants are a Real Thing

Sometimes, life can seem like a big old piece of crap. Especially if you’re constantly crapping. Having a chronic case of the runs sounds like the worst nightmare imaginable, but it’s horrifyingly real. Clostridium Difficile infection causes sufferers to have a constant bout of the worst diarrhea in the history of…diarrhea. Basically, we’d rather crawl into a hole and die a slow, slow death than deal with this infection.

Good news! Researchers have spent our hard-earned tax money discovering there’s such a thing as healthy poop, which can make someone’s ultra crappy day a little better.

The “poop transplant” is a simple concept: you get the nastiest case of the runs, docs take so-called “healthy poop” from other sources, and you receive an upgraded crap injection. Here’s the kicker: the healthy stuff usually comes from the spouse or child of the patient.

So, before you commit yourself to one lucky lady for the rest of your life, make sure she’d be willing to donate her poop to you, if it comes to that. If her answer is a resounding yes, go get that ring n’ a gun, you crazy kids!