This is one of those stories that makes us almost wish we still did the Idiot of the Day segment.

This surf goon strapped his poor, helpless nine-month-old toddler to a surfboard and took him into the ocean, presumably after winning a bad idea contest with his bongmates.

The Go-Pro camera in front of the child's face captures every moment of the kid's general discomfort and fear as he plunges repeatedly underwater.

Sometimes the kid smiles, but there's no telling how much footage of paralyzed fear they had to cut to reduce it down to those few moments.

There's no amount of cheesy, upworthy-style background music that will make us believe this baby is safe or happy, and there's no reason to ever put a tiny child on a surfboard in the ocean. Just don't do it.