Top 5 Reasons Geeks Make Horrible Co-Workers

Geeks.

They're awkward, weird, and creepy.

Unfortunately, in this day and age, they're also an intricate part of any successful business. With over 331 Million people in the US alone having cell phones - and 49% of them having some sort of smartphone - It's important now more than ever to be able to reach your current and potential clients by digital means. Facebook, twitter, websites, e-mails - these are just a few of the outlets we have at our disposal to get the word out. But, if you don't have a nerdy shut-in to run and maintain all of these, you might as well try to reach customers with two cups on a string. If you don't know what you're doing, you can ultimately cause your business major damage that will be almost impossible to fix.

So, I get it. Techies, nerds, geeks...they make the world go round. The bad part is, they know it. They relish it. They rub it in your face, and treat you like crap. Douche-bags.

Every generation changes, but there is always a way to tell a geek just by sight. In the 70's and 80's it was glasses and a pocket protector. In the late 80's/90's, it was calculator watches. Now-a-days, it's the dude in a "vintage"  Atari t-shirt working the iPhone, iPad, and laptop all at the same time. While these people are almost irreplaceable, they suck to work with. I've come up with my top 5 reasons why (in no particular order). If you have something to add, or disagree completely (nerd!), tell us about it in the comment section. Here we go...

#1 - No People Skills Whatsoever

These people spend all day playing internet tough-man by voicing their opinions through e-mails, comment sections, and chat rooms. They're used to mouthing off with no repercussions whatsoever. When they're in a situation where they have to actually talk to someone - whether it be a phone call or face to face - they freeze up. They don't know how to handle the situation. When this occurs, one of two things happens. Either they try to overcompensate for their lack of social skills by using the biggest words they know in an effort to impress, or they treat everybody like we're beneath them. Either way, they're not making the Christmas card list.

On a side note, you ever notice how a geek makes everything a question when they're trying to "dumb down" their conversation? It's weird. It's almost like they think we're a bunch of neanderthals who need everything broken down to it's simplest form. I've met quite a few of these people, and they all act the same. "So, today? We are going to discuss SEO? And we'll go over post tags?"  Good times.

#2 - No accountability whatsoever

These people NEVER makes mistakes. EVER. When something does get messed up, they call it "Beta Testing", or "Building Research". When neither of these excuses work, they always come out with "We're still experimenting with proper techniques". When the higher-ups start questioning mistakes, it's always somebody else's fault. They will throw you under the bus quicker than Rosie O'Donnell can empty out a buffet.

#3 - All Geeks suffer from "Small Man Syndrome"

OK, so this isn't entirely they're fault. All through Jr. high and High school, they were picked on, bullied, had only a couple friends (who were also geeks), and were passed over for everything cool...like prom, sports, social functions, etc. When you suffer that much emotional damage for so long at such a young age, you eventually get extremely defensive over the smallest slight. You can't even joke with these people, because they take everything the wrong way. They quickly alienate themselves from water-cooler conversations, because, honestly, who wants to commiserate with an a**hole?

#4 - They have no idea how people or the real world works

These virgins (OK, that was harsh...but I'm willing to bet it's more true than most will admit) live in a digital world. Instead of having some buddies over for poker night, they meet in an online site and play. They spend all of their free time talking to other geeks about the latest technological advances and toys. Everything they know, they've read about, but most likely haven't actually experienced themselves. They study statistics and base all of their opinions on them. That 331 million mobile phone owners stat I gave you earlier? That's 105.8% of our population. Basically, it's saying that for every 100 people in the USA, almost 106 have a cell phone. WTF???? If you're basing all of your knowledge on stats like that, you're WAY off in your assumptions of people. Of course, they'll try to explain to you how it's right, because,well...see #2

#5 - All book smarts, no street smarts

Listen, I'm not trying to demean smart people. But not all geeks are smart. Sure, they may have high IQ's, but that much book knowledge takes the place of common sense. I once knew a dude that could spout off every European leader for the last 300 years, but he couldn't figure out how to tie his shoes. Another dude had no idea how to drive a car, even though he could tell you the entire process of how it worked, from combustion to the importance of the axle ratio. Geeks are the same way, except different. They can tell you how to write a post, give you HTML code to accomplish almost anything, and break down the best way to set up a website's homepage. But they have no idea what content people want. Sure, they'll tell you that cute cat videos get one hundred billion hits a day...but they won't tell you that all those came from three old ladies in Florida that just learned how to surf the web. To them the why isn't important...it's only the how. Reading research, and properly implementing it are two different things. Trust me, I've been apart of and seen too many of these conversations to count.
"You have to put this post up ASAP!"
"Why?"
"Because that's what research says!"
"Under what context was the research gathered? Who was polled? How were the questions asked? What questions were asked?"
"Uh...it doesn't matter, it's research! Now do as I say, or I'll tell on you!"
Like dealing with a 12 year old only-child. Good times.

Basically, if you work with a geek, leave him or her alone. Don't enter their hole they are hiding in. Don't try to be friendly, because 9 out of ten times, it won't work. They don't respect you, and you will lose respect for them. Even if they know nothing about what you do, they will tell you how to do it better, and not listen to any thing you have to say on the matter. We need these people for our companies to function in today's world, but if the apocalypse does happen on December 21st this year, these people are hosed come December 22nd. Well, the ones that survive anyway...