Wyoming State Barbies Now Available
I think the first time I saw this descriptive it was being passed around as an email sometime in the early 2000's. It is now making the rounds on social media and if you haven't seen it, it is worth a read and a laugh. I haven't been able to find an author for the piece so will throw it out there with a plea that if you know from whence it came, tell them we are still laughing at it today. This is the earliest version I could find online and it is from 2006.
Wyoming State Barbies are finally available
This modern day homemaker Barbie is available with a Mercedes 4WD SUV,
a Prada handbag and matching Nike Yoga ensemble. She has a masters
degree and double-majored, but has the luxury of being a stay-at-home
mom with Ken's generous salary. Comes with Percocet prescription and
Botox. Starbucks mug and traffic-jamming Blackberry internet/cell
phone device sold separately. Husband Ken is into fishing, golfing,
baseball and is often "working late." Available at all Seattle-area
Teton Village Barbie:
This princess Barbie is only sold at Nordstrom. She comes with an
assortment of Kate Spade handbags, your choice of a BMW convertible or
Hummer H2 and a long-haired foreign lapdog named "Honey." Also
available is her cookie-cutter development dream house.Available with
or without tummy tuck, facelift, and breast augmentation. Workaholic,
cheating husband, Ken, comes with a Porsche.
Rock Springs Barbie:
This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, switchblade,
'78 El Camino with dark tinted windows, and a meth lab kit. This model
is available only after dark and can only be purchased with cash -
preferably small bills, unless you're a cop, then we don't know what
you're talking about. Boyfriend Ken is in jail. Available at many pawn
This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie comes with a pair of
high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased Beer
Gut Ken out of Auburn Barbie's trailer. Her ensemble includes low-rise
acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, strawberry lip gloss and a
see-through halter top. Purchase her Mustang convertible separately
and get a Confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free. Boyfriend
Ken is in treatment. Available at Army Navy Surplus.
This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans 2 sizes too
small, steel-toed cowboy boots, a classic Metallica 'T' shirt and a
Tweedy Bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has fake fingernails, a six
pack of Budweiser, and a Hank Williams, Jr. CD set. she can spit over
a distance of 6 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's ass when she is
drunk. Also available is the gold-toned cubic zirconium ring that Ken
gave her after another one of his "episodes" with his boss's daughter.
Comes with Barbie's Dream Double Wide Trailer. Available at Wal-Mart.
Pregnant at purchase, this Barbie comes with a stroller and bus pass.
Also included is a G.E.D. and a completely filled out food stamps
form. Construction worker Ken and his '82 Caddy are optional.
Available at Value Village.
This Barbie is made out of recycled plastic and tofu. She has long
straight brown hair, arch-less feet, hairy armpits, no make-up, and
Birkenstocks with white socks. She does not want, or need, a Ken doll.
If you purchase the optional Subaru wagon, you will receive a free
rainbow flag sticker. Available at REI.
This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by
simply adding or removing snap on parts. Walks to work. Likes to
"experiment," but will never commit. This model is being phased out
and is only available from the manufacturer.
Casper Barbie: This bon-fire hopping babe comes half dressed in a "C" shirt from the school she almost "gradiated" from. Accessories include, but are not limited to: a six pack, four boyfriends with varying types of ATVs, and a wanna-be tuner with just enough gas to run from the Cops in the Hobby Lobby parking lot. Can be purchased at either Wal-Mart or sometimes the Beacon Club.
Again we take no credit for the political correctness of the piece, only share to elicit the response that is sure to follow.