Top 5 Presidents I’d Party With

We’re waist deep in the 2012 Presidential Election, and there are many questions circling all of our heads, as we get ready to vote on who will be the leader of our nation for the next four years- how will this person handle health care? Will we get out of debt? What about Immigration laws? These are all great questions, and ones that no doubt need to be thoroughly thought about and discussed, but the only question I’m really thinking of is this- Who would be the top 5 presidents to party with?

#5- Barack Obama

Obviously Obama would have to make the list. My dream day with our current president would look like this: We play pickup basketball with local Chicago teenagers, and totally demolish them. Obama would probably be graceful in our victory, but I would continually yell right into their faces. I would then push one of them over- probably the littlest one. We would then proceed to a pizza eatery for a slice of Chicago style pie. Then, we would converge to a jazz club, sipping bourbon and talking about law while the ladies swoon over the good looking, intelligent guy and his mocha-colored friend.

#4- Ronald Reagan

I think I probably have the most in common with the 40^th President of the United States. First of all, everyone knows about his history as an actor. That’s awesome, and is worth hanging out with him for that fact alone. But what many people don’t know is that he also worked as a radio broadcaster in his formulative years. Being that I work in the radio biz as well, it would be cool to pick his brain about the job I love so much. Also, and perhaps best of all, Reagan had a bachelors degree in Sociology. Who wouldn’t want to go to a local dive bar and people watch with one of the most charismatic presidents we’ve ever had? The conversation alone would make for the most memorable evening of my life.

#3- Bill Clinton

Um, duh. If I’m wanting to party with the coolest presidents, it would be asinine to ignore one of the most controversial presidents we’ve had since JFK (who, by the way, is excluded from the list because if I partied with him, all of the girls would ignore me and I can’t have that). It’s a shame that the thing most people will remember Clinton by is his extra-marital proclivities, because the guy really was a pretty good president. It would be fun to pick his brain about current issues like health care, debt, even his wife’s political career. Plus, I met his daughter years ago and have wanted to hook up with her ever since. If I can get in with daddy, I can get in with his little girl. The only tricky part would be keeping him out of the bar bathroom with a number of coeds.

#2- Richard Nixon

I’m including Tricky Dick solely for his skills as a wingman. Normally, when people think of a wingman, they think of a guy who goes out of his way to hook his friend up with a girl. This works, but what works even more is the “good cop/bad cop” routine. Nixon would be the perfect bad cop! Imagine this: Dick walks up to a table of ladies. “Ladies, ladies, ladies,” he will say to a group of twenty-to-thirty-something’s. “Despite what you’ve heard, I am not a crook.” I, being suited up, would walk up and say “Hey pal, take a hike.” Before I forcibly remove him from the group, he will leave of his own accord. “Pardon my friend (get it?),” I would say. “He’s kind of a dick.” Nixon would ‘accidentally overhear’ our conversation, gather the name of one of the ladies, and proceed to order drinks on her tab. That way, even if the ladies don’t take to me, we still get to drink for free all night. Tricky indeed, sir.

#1- Abraham Lincoln

I have always wanted to get in a bar fight. The only problem is, I don’t really know how to fight. Neither do most of my friends. We would get our respective asses handed to us if we ever so much as looked at someone the wrong way. If I were partying with Abe Lincoln, this wouldn’t be a problem. Dude was one of the first professional wrestlers ever! Those who know me know that I absolutely love professional wrestling. To be able to have a pint (or two) of ale with Abe, break the glasses over someone’s head, and leave the bar with their girlfriends would be the coolest thing I ever did. And, in a stunning twist, if we ever happened to end up in Mexico at a bar called the Titty Twister, I would be in good hands as well. This is because, if you haven’t heard, Abe Lincoln is a vampire hunter.