The Fairer Sex Files

"My girlfriend said I should wear more flannel." -- This dude.

Sometimes life takes a hard left turn into Awesometown, when you least expect it. When that happens in the middle of a uh...period of sexual freedom, there's going to be some cleanup to do.

Even my dog Rabbit seems to have caught my "birthday blues" this week, and he doesn't even have a birthday; he's a rescue dog.

As kids, a lot of times we identify socially by liking a certain genre of music. As a teen in the late 90s, I was a punk. Nowadays, I don't know what I am, and I like it a lot better that way. Even if I don't identify with music in the same way, though, it is still one of the most powerful forces in my life.

Jackie Mancini is in a relationship with spring, and it is not complicated.

This is the second most embarrassing thing I have ever made in a coffee shop. To answer your question: mind your own business.

This is my best friend, Eliot. I won't be cocky and say that he's better than yours, but he's hard to beat.

Most people are scared of normal things like dying, or being trampled by a pack of wild elephants. If you ask me, both of those things seem fine...and mostly inevitable, given my life trajectory thus far. My greatest fear? You're looking at him.

There are times in my life (for instance, when in the presence of Andrew W.K.) where I am unspeakably grateful to have a tool in my pocket to document my increasingly-ridiculous life. A couple of weeks ago, I found myself phone-less in the Big Apple for almost an entire week. Things got really weird.

So I broke it off with someone I really liked a lot three days ago, and then immediately got the flu. I don't want to talk about it, leave me alone. I mean, Happy Valentine's Day! Let me tell you about the weird dream I had last night!

Life advice: Don't drunkenly text a picture like this to your neighbor with some slightly-misspelled version of "I made a bedsheet tent, are you still awake?" unless you love opening big, awkward cans of worms. In other news: I'm thinking about installing a breathalyzer on my phone.

Nicknames are so useful! For one, they are shorter than full names and take a lot less time to say. Plus, if you hate your given name, you can pretty much make up any BS name you want, and call it a "nickname." My favorite use for nicknames by far, though, is dating.