Security Guard

In April, 70-year-old security guard John Resetar was stabbed while breaking up a fight in the halls of Franklin Regional Senior High School near Pittsburgh.

There is nothing funny about an overzealous pistol-packer desperately trying to impress by waving a loaded gun around. That is, until the idiot forgets how to use the safety, and shoots his own pecker into one of his tube socks. At that point, we must admit: it is a bit hilarious.