Dumb Criminals

James Edward Welborn Jr. probably didn't have primate theft on his mind when he broke into Julie Harris's home in Mobile, Alabama.

You’ve heard of hemorrhoids, but it sounds like a prisoner in Sri Lanka may have come down with a case of hemo-Droids.

Things got awkward when 54-year-old Kimberly Margeson visited her 30-year-old son William Partridge at the Yates County jail in upstate New York.

Left on her own without legal representation, this girl (who was awaiting arraignment for a first arrest) was in over her head. It probably also didn't help that she didn't get the sobering reality of being physically present in court to knock some sense into her, since this is a video arraignment taking place from jail, where she is nervous and surrounded by other inmates. Oh, and it doesn't help

While there is no scientific proof that the consumption of mass quantities of alcohol will render a person completely insane, there is certainly no shortage of case studies within this mad, mad world to build a strong argument against it. See above.

We're no experts, but we imagine that dealing with drunken idiots is every cop's least favorite part of the job, especially guys like the dude about at Oktoberfest, or the Seattle man who recently peed in the back of a patrol car on Sunday while being transported to jail. Hey, can you blame him? At least he was wearing a diaper at the time.

Across the bayou, it is not difficult to find a crossbreed of stark-raving mad drunkards and dive bar sideshows aggressively humping the legs off civil society. Unfortunately, when there is nothing civilized left for these gutter fiends to devour besides the skin in between their teeth, the only hope for the rest of us is that soon the flood waters will rise again and bury these beasts at sea. Rea

Loretta Lacy is shattering the stereotype that grandmothers drive slowly.

Timothy Bonner went from the cooler to drinking a cool one and back again.

The brains behind a fowl crime in Georgia’s Gwinnett County thought they’d get away with it on a wing and a prayer. Especially a wing.

Matthew Colleluori is in LC-deep trouble.

Like so many of us have done, Ryan Hopkins made a bad decision while drunk. Unlike the rest of us, he decided to rob a Little Caesars. But the stick-up didn't go quite the way he had (probably not) planned.