Ah, Halloween. A time when children gan get candy from strangers, the dead can walk the earth for one night only, and lots and lots of girls dress like sluts. I mean, come on! Does anything about Halloween other than that even matter anymore? I would venture to say no. Halloween is an excuse for sluts to dress like sluts without being called sluts. And then they get drunk and act like sluts. And it's the greatest holiday in the world. In my time as a grown up, I've seen all sorts of "slutty (fill-in-the-blank) costumes. It seems like you can make anything slutty these days. That being said, there are just some costumes that should NOT be turned into a slutty counterpart. Here are some of them.

#5- Slutty Nun

 

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Now, I'm no holy roller, but for some reason this costume just makes me uneasy. At the risk of starting a debate, I'm pretty sure there is a God and I'm pretty sure if He caught me ogling Sister Mary Katherine's cleavage, he'd strike me down with a vengeance. "But Lord," I would say, "her chest was beckoning me from that leather corset." Something tells me the Big Guy wouldn't show me mercy. Something also tells me that if these girls ever had to actually go to Catholic school, they wouldn't pass the "Does Your Skirt Go Six Inches Below Your Kneecap" Rule.

#4- Slutty Freddy Krueger

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Brief history lesson kiddos. Fred Krueger was a child murder and/or molester. He went free based on a technicality, and the parents of Springwood burned him to death. He then returned as a dream demon that killed teenagers in their sleep. Somehow, Freddy became a pop culture icon  that spawned a multitude of merchandise including, yes, Halloween costumes. Our question to you is, do you really want to be a sexy child molester for Halloween?

#3- Slutty Robin

 

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People aren't really mixed when it comes to Robin. Most people hate him. In fact, back in the 80's, people actually voted to kill Robin. Batman has just always been cooler without his sidekick. Somehow, though, he just keeps coming back. Various characters have played Robin, including Dick Grayson, Jason Todd and Timothy Drake. The only girl to ever play Robin was Carrie Kelly. She was 13 years old. So, if the thought of dressing up like a 2nd rate super hero that nobody even likes doesn't discourage you from this costume choice, perhaps the idea of playing a sexy 13-year-old will.

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I grew up with the Disney Princesses. I've had crushes on most of them. They are innocent little flowers- not sluts. To taint the good name of Disney princesses is akin to emotional terrorism. Belle is not a slut! She is a girl who likes to read and sing and fall in love with anti-heroes. She is not a girl who hooks up with Gaston in a bar bathroom.

#1- Slutty Sluts

 

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Ok, let's be honest. Most girls who go as slutty anything on Halloween are probably pretty slutty to begin with. Halloween is just an excuse to embrace their sluttiness for a night and not be looked down for it. What they WILL be looked down upon is their lack of originality. As much as we think the above costumes should not exist, we do admire the creativity that went into them. So it's sad to us when a girl will just dress as, basically, herself for Halloween. Maybe she'll throw on some cat ears or wear glasses and call herself a slutty school girl, but really...she's just a slut. She's a slutty slut.