Gibson Feature’s Ozzy In Their “World According To…” Series

Gibson's “The World According to …” pieces on Slash and Jimmy Page were huge hits with you guys, but really who is more quotable – or flagrant – than Ozzy Osbourne? There were so many remarks to choose from, so it was no easy task to whittle down the Ozzy wisdom to 10 lone tidbits. I mean, c’mon, the man has written a book – a manual, really – on how to live life Ozzy-style (last year’s tome I Am Ozzy.) He’s also taken on an advice column for Rolling Stone. Here’s what life looks like through Ozzy’s violet-colored sunglasses: (via Gibson.com)

On his reputation, as stated in I Am Ozzy in 2010

“They’ve said some crazy things about me over the years. I mean, okay: ‘He bit the head off a bat.’ Yes. ‘He bit the head off a dove.’ Yes. But then you hear things like, ‘Ozzy went to the show last night, but he wouldn’t perform until he’d killed 15 puppies ...’ Now me, kill 15 puppies? I love puppies. I’ve got 18 of the [expletive] things at home. I’ve killed a few cows in my time, mind you.”

On drugs and alcohol, as told to MTV.com in 1992

“I can honestly say, all the bad things that ever happened to me were directly, directly attributed to drugs and alcohol. I mean, I would never urinate at the Alamo at nine o’clock in the morning dressed in a woman’s evening dress sober.”

On guitarist Randy Rhoads, as told to Guitar World in 2000

“I have no regrets except that I wasn’t up to keep Randy [Rhoads] from getting on that plane.”

On his nine lives, as stated in I Am Ozzy in 2010

“Every day of my life has been an event. I took lethal combinations of booze and drugs for 30 [expletive] years. I survived a direct hit by a plane, suicidal overdoses, STDs. I’ve been accused of attempted murder. Then I almost died while riding over a bump on a quad bike at [expletive] two miles per hour. People ask me how come I’m still alive, and I don’t know what to say.”

On a Black Sabbath reunion, as told to Rolling Stone in 2010

“I love those guys – Bill, Tony and Geezer. I never say never anymore because you never know what’s going to come around.”

On Lady Gaga’s missteps, as told to Us Weekly in 2010

“I do think Lady Gaga should take a break for a little while. She’s getting to be too much, and she doesn’t watch the exposure of her clothes. She’s just too overexposed. She could be the next Madonna if she played her cards right. I like her, but I’m getting a bit sick of her. When I turn on the TV, I see her wearing another lampshade or whatever … Everyday it is something else. The specialness of her is gonna get killed if she doesn’t calm it down. Who manages her? Someone should whisper in her ear and say back off for a couple of months – let people gain interest back. Let people want you, you know?”

On his own fragrance, as stated on The Osbournes

“I love the smell of armpits in the morning. It’s like victory.”

On the risk of being real, as told to Rolling Stone in 1997

“The downside of being outrageous is that you have to go around explaining your [expletive] self to people. If you’re too cocky, somebody might just pull out a [expletive] gun and cock it and blow your [expletive] face off. You gotta be really careful what you bite off. Don’t bite off more than you can chew. It’s a dangerous world.”

On the real Ozzy, as told to Launch.com in 1998

“I’m about caring, I’m about people and I’m about entertaining people. I’m a family man. A husband. A father. I’ve been a lot of other things over the years, which we don’t really want to talk about. I’m always working on trying to better myself, you know? I think that that is an ongoing thing with me. I think I’ll do that for the rest of my life. I’m always thinking of what I can do today to better my life.”

On the perks of stardom, as stated on The Osbournes

“I’m not picking up dog [expletive]. I’m a rock star.”