The Midnight Writer is a freelance writer and contributor to popular websites and magazines. He's written three humor books and often writes while under the influence. Under the influence of what, he will not say.
The Midnight Writer
I’m Almost Certain Willy Wonka Was a Pedophile [HALF A MAN]
His bulbous thumb jammed the pause button and the miniature needle slowly scraped against the disc. He asked if we needed to hear it again. The idling boombox, eager to continue on it's predestined rotation, made a whizzing noise in an oddly quiet classroom of two dozen teens...
Courtney Lenz, Baltimore Ravens Cheerleader, Claims She Wasn’t Included on Super Bowl Trip Because of Weight
Courtney Lenz, a five year veteran of the Baltimore Ravens cheerleading squad, is claiming the team left her off the trip to the Super Bowl because of her "slight weight gain." Oh deer! Sorry, I meant dear. Force of habit with this squad.
I’ve Discovered An Excuse to Get Men Out of Any Situation [Half a Man]
A recent piece of satire on one of my favorite sports websites prompted some research on another current favorite of mine – Lena Dunham. I realize that’s a substantial amount of a** kissing in one opening sentence but it’s true. Dunham is funny, unafraid to take risks and like her or not -- and plenty of people fall in the “or not” category -- she’s going to be around for a long time.
Hulk Hogan Tweets Hot Picture of His Daughter and We’re All Pretty Creeped Out About It
The legend of the Hulk Hogan we all loved as kid's is slowly fading faster than his orange day-glo skin or maybe he was always a freak and it was easier to hide back in the day.
Are You Ready Kids? SpongeBob Porn Parody ‘SpongeKnob SquareNuts’ is Rated D for Dumb
SpongeBob Squarepants is getting the porn parody treatment.
Check Out This DeLorean Converted Into a Hovercraft
Roads? Where we are going we don't need roads. A body of water wouldn't hurt though.
Occasionally, I Act Like a Serial Killer [Half a Man]
It's hidden in the back of my closet. It's been there for years. It gets mail delivered; it's that established. For four years it has maintained residence, because it managed to make it through the move from the old house. It was the first shirt hung in the new closet, because it was the first shirt out of the box, because it was the last shirt in the box after an hour of deliberation that conclud
Rhinestone Pokeball Bra is Making Our Pokeman Stiff
Sure to be loved by all Pokeman fans and hated by women who actually want to wear a comfortable bra -- the Rhinestone Pokeball Bra is now available on Etsy.
Guy Builds Limo of Junk Parts Worth $1M
If you collect enough junk, and add up the value, it will eventually be worth something -- especially if you attach all that crap to a limo.
Watch This Intense Giraffe Fight and Never Make Fun of Giraffe Again Because They Would OWN You
In this teaser for Discovery channel's upcoming documentary series Africa — which premieres January 8th — two giraffe go absolutely bonkers on one another.
Batman Chess Set Would Only Make Sense in Stately Wayne Manor
DUNNADUNNADUNNADUNNADUNNADUNNADUNNADUNNADUNNADUNNADUNNADUNNA CHESS SET! Yeah, not as catchy.
Watch This Clearly Insane Fella Smash Another Driver’s Windshield With His Fist
This video might be good reason for everyone to get a dashboard cam.