Chris Illuminati

The other night this stop sign was talking straight-up junk. He was just yapping, calling us the “p word” and questioning the size of our junk. Sure, we were a little drunk, but he was stone sober and just talking up a storm. So, our boy Raymond Garcia just stepped up and was all “What? What son? What?” and just threw a punch. It wasn’t smart.

The gorgeous fall weather has everyone heading outdoors for one last burst of sunshine before Old Man Winter brings months of chilly air. Especially five-time convicted flashers looking to get a touch of color on his fun cannon so it’s not as pale for the occasional mid-January peek-a-boos.

Brandon McCarthy is lucky to be alive.

Mindi Smith is a fitness model and TV host from the Big Apple.

Meet Glitch, a SuicideGirl who loves zombies, hates fake boobs and needs a good cuddle.

Filling the shoes, and newly ample bosom, of former ESPN sideline reporter and peephole dancing dame Erin Andrews isn’t going to be an easy task. Andrews bolted the worldwide leader for a Fox Sports gig and the boys in Bristol quickly named her replacement — the longhorny Samantha Steele. She was with the Longhorn Network before ESPN. It was too terrible of a pun to pass up.

Before we begin, some rules and guidelines about the traits the mother in this joke shall not possess, only because of the overabundance of typical mom putdowns using these tired points of vilification toward the female parental unit.

Today’s SuicideGirl is Yesenia, a 27-year-old from Florida who gets hot when she sees a guy with messy hair and calls Larry David a personal hero. Pretttty, pretty good.

Adam “MCA” Yauch, a member of the influential and legendary New York rap group the Beastie Boys passed away today at the age of 47. MCA leaves behind not only a nation of hardcore fans, but a legacy of music that will love on for generations.

Marc Maron is guilty of many things. He’ll admit as much, and often does, on his popular WTF Podcast.

Jamie Michelle (aka ‘Miiss Jamie Michelle’) is a 28-year-old model from Los Angeles, California.

Long before the internet, and way before the cell phone hack phenomena, magazines were one of the only ways to see famous, gorgeous in very little clothing.