15 Random Thoughts From A Bored DJ

While I work in an industry that is constantly changing and evolving, I sometimes - OK, rarely - have a few moments in between projects where I find my mind wandering aimlessly. This is one of those times. My bosses are out of town, this week is short, and I'm suffering from some sort of throat malady. With all of that being said, here's a few random thoughts that are bouncing around my noggin.

1.) Does everybody have a big turd just sitting in their poop-shoot? I don't know, but I'll never look at beautiful women the same again.

2.) I'm pretty sure that everyone who shows up to those political conventions has no idea what the average person wants or needs. From what I can see, these people are rich, and have enough free time to sit through a bunch of boring lie-laced speeches for a week at a time.

3.) I wonder if there is a booger farm underneath every desk in the world.

4.) I don't think getting caught masturbating at work would be that bad. After all, what would they fire you for? Violating company property? The best bet would to be doing it during your lunch break.

5.) Do high-school teachers ever fantasize about beating the crap out of some of their students? I, for one, would like to see a teacher follow a little butt-head out to his car, and go all "Office Space" on him.

6.) Why would anyone in their right mind ever want to even just experiment with meth? Do they look forward to being a member of the biggest douche-bag club in our country?

7.) I would love to see a reality show that is actually, well, real.

8.) If the world does go to crap on December 21st, there will be a lot of geeks and nerds who will no longer be relevant. Hard to justify your existence when your biggest attribute is web site building. These cats may want to learn how to hunt and build stuff.

9.) Why do people think they can tell me whats best for me? I understand you're trying to make the world a better place, but we all have our own version of Eden. Unless you're trying to make sure every woman can suck a golf ball through a garden hose, we should probably just agree to disagree.

10.) If I had a third testicle, would that give me some sort of super power?

11.) What the hell is Gumby made out of?

12.) If cats and rats taste like chicken, then I could care less what's in my Chinese food. Just don't tell me, and I'll be good.

13.) Man, I hate the Packers soooooooo much! Go Bears!

14.) If they had a Porn Star fantasy league, how would you score points?

15.) How come we hate spankings as kids, but love them when we become adults?