Rumors continue to swirl that Ashton Kutcher’s marriage to Demi Moore is in trouble amidst tabloid reports he cheated on her. It’s a saga that is keeping the tabloids busy and taking the focus off other important issues in Hollywood, like when will Jennifer Aniston get pregnant, already? Seriously, the suspense is killing us.

Anyway, in lieu of buying gifts for J-An’s nursery, here are 10 jokes about the unfurling union that is Demi and Ashton’s wedded bliss:

1. Why would he cheat on her? She’s going to be dead soon, anyway.

2. Just because Ashton replaced Charlie Sheen on ‘Two and a Half Men’ doesn’t mean he has to be as big a scumbag as Sheen is.

3. I don’t know about you, but it’s refreshing to see a big-time marriage go down the tubes without Rachel Uchitel being involved.

4. The age difference means they just don’t have enough similar interests to stay married. For instance, she’s interested in quiet family time and he’s interested in having sex with other women.

5. Ashton had better be careful. Demi might just get Bruce Willis to come over and go all John McClane on him.

6. His mistress has been telling people she fooled around with the guy who’s married to “that 70s actress.”

7. Geez, a Hollywood marriage may be in trouble? Who could’ve seen that coming?

8. Good for you, Ashton. You’re married to a woman who was once engaged to Emilio Estevez. Clearly, you can do better.

9. Karma has finally caught up to Demi. Consider this payback for ‘Nothing But Trouble.’

10. Ashton says he didn’t cheat. He claims he was just rehearsing with an understudy.

Drew Weisholtz is a funny guy. Unless you didn’t like this, in which case he’s simply using a pseudonym. He’s written for ABC and other online outlets and does standup comedy in front of actual people. You can follow him on Twitter @undrstoodgenius.