Groundhog Day is coming up Feb 2. Tradition says if the groundhog sees its shadow when it emerges from its burrow, it means we're slated for six more weeks of winter. However, if it doesn't, then spring is closer than we think. I'm about done with winter and won't tolerate six more weeks of anything. Here's what I would bring if I were in Punxsutawney, Pa. -- home of Punxsutawney Phil, the nation's official groundhog.

  • 1

    Barbecue grill

    If it pokes its head up and tries to run back in its den after seeing its shadow, groundhog burgers is what will be on the menu.

  • 2

    Soccer cleats

    If it says it sees its shadow, I'll Pele kick that sucker into the Midwest.

  • 3

    A hammer

    Not any ol' hammer, either. Like, one of those giant carnival hammers would be better. Intimidation is key.

  • 4

    Burlap sack

    Right when it pops up, I'd toss it in this sack to make sure it can't see its shadow.

  • 5

    Umbrella

    Sure, a less threatening item. I'd simply place the umbrella over the groundhog's hole, blocking the sun so there's no shadow to be seen.