How To Turn On a Woman

As men, we're always looking for the big secret that unlocks a woman's heart (i.e. - how to get her naked). We buy products to make us look and smell good, we spend a fortune on flowers and candy, we spend more money than we have on materialistic things that we hope will attract their attention, and we watch a lot of porn hoping to find ways to make us better in the sack.

Basically, we're stupid.

Here are 5 tips to help you land - and keep - the apple of your eye:

1. Make her Laugh.

Women always say they want a man who makes them laugh. You don't have to be Daniel Tosh, you just have to be able to make her smile. Now, if she's laughing at you while you're naked, you may want to start turning off the lights before you undress...

2. Be A Gentleman

When the Feminist movement started, chivalry took a back seat to treating your lady like an equal. While no woman wants to be treated like a 2nd class citizen, most appreciate a man who opens doors for them, lets them park in the good spot at home, pulls their chair out for them, etc. It's the little things in life that go a long way.

3. Make Eye Contact and Listen

Sure, you could care less about what she has to say regarding how fat her co-workers are, or why she thinks Chocolat is the greatest movie of all time. The key is to  listen any way. Agree with her when she makes a point. Laugh when she makes a joke. Basically, care about the conversation...or at least act like it.

4. Be Clean

Dress nice, keep yourself washed and smelling nice, and make sure your place is clean. No woman wants a slob. Make sure your nails are clipped, your facial hair is trimmed, and you wiped good enough.

5. Respect And Compliment Her

Ladies love compliments. Well, the good ones, anyway. As men, we are generally pretty straight forward with our thinking, so we tend to tell them exactly what we like about them. This is usually a bad idea, as we think with our "little guy" most of the time. A lady wants us to woo her with non-sexual innuendos, and wants us to notice all of the little things that prove we pay attention. Keep it classy, be sincere, and follow these guidelines:

Compliment Do's -

Your smile brightens my day.

Is their an outfit that DOESN'T look good on you?

Holding you is the best part of my day

Compliment Don'ts -

Nice tits

You give me a boner

I love smelling your shoes

Follow these 5 tips, and the lady of your dreams could also be the lady of your life!