Forget Gun Control, America Needs Guitar Control (Commentary)
With the ongoing gun control debate dominating the media this week, here's an interesting idea. What if we required background checks and mandatory minimum waiting periods for any person attempting to purchase a guitar?
Every day, millions of Americans are subjected to crappy music. It's an epidemic that could be avoided by implementing a strict guitar control policy. Simply put, our society needs to keep musical instruments from falling into the wrong hands.
Here's how the plan would work:
Any person attempting to purchase an instrument for the purpose of joining a band would be required to answer a series of questions regarding their musical preferences. Can you name at least one member of the Ramones? Do you have a favorite Nickelback song? Do you consider Lars Ulrich to be a good drummer? What was Lemmy's favorite alcoholic beverage? Who made who?
In addition to screening potential musicians based on their taste, or lack thereof, applicants must also fail a drug test and demonstrate some form of documented mental illness.
Aspiring musicians who cannot pass the background check would only be granted a permit to purchase a guitar after undergoing a series of music education classes.
It sounds like an extreme measure, but consider the consequences if our society continues to allow normal people who've never taken drugs and listened to Pink Floyd's "Dark Side of the Moon" in its entirety to form bands. It's a scary thought.
In 2015, Taylor Swift sold more albums than any other artist in America. As style continues to triumph over substance, an entire generation of young people are taught to believe that this drivel is acceptable. Is that the kind of future we want for our children?
I dream of a world where, instead of manufacturing dubstep beats on their mobile devices, young people from all walks of life will join together and play the opening riff of "Smoke on the Water." The time to act is now. Before it's too late.